Ok I need to write this down because I’ve been feeling sorry for myself lately, my house is too small, I don’t make enough $, I need to drop a few pounds, etc.

My other half is always telling me to try to see where we are now from where we’ve come and be glad that I’ve made such progress.

I have a hard time seeing through the depressive fog to see that things are actually better than they were. I still have so far to go.

Yesterday while I was being pissy because instead of going to Pride in Asbury, I was home cleaning, I got a sharp reminder of how good my life is compared to others.

Without going into too much detail, I have a friend that is being treated poorly by her adult child that she lives with. I am grateful that I know that my kids would never treat me badly or make me live in unhealthy conditions.

I know another person that is in the same situation my parents were in when me and my ex lived with them. If this person was anything like my parents were, or I am now, the ‘kids wouldn’t be desperately trying to get the hell out of there. I am grateful that I am not the one they are trying to escape from.

So the bottom line is this; my house may be barely big enough for us, but my heart makes it 10 times bigger. I have taken in friends in need without a thought to how crowded it would be. If I had half the house this other person has, my door would always be open to family in need and I would feel lucky to have the extra time with them.

I need to remind myself more often how lucky I am.


Step 3

I know it’s been a while, but I haven’t really had a whole lot of time to check in.

I edited another book and my daughter is taking Taekwondo twice a week, gymnastics once a week and girl scouts, so I’ve been running her around a bit. All while working 9-5. Oh and we are also learning to knit and crochet.

So since my last post
the anti resolution, I have continued, albeit slowly, to get healthier. Homemade Deoderant still going, organic vitamins, probiotics and supplements, and I have been drinking the Apple cider vinegar tonic daily. I haven’t really exercised much. I tried planking in the mornings, once a day for like 3 days but then my daughter decided to be a problem getting up on time and there went that.

Thanks to the government forcing me to get health care, I finally went to the Dr after 3 years. He applauded my healthy choices and gave me a suggestion for the Deoderant once summer comes if it isn’t as effective.

I have also discovered Trader Joe’s grocery store. Their store brand products are non gmo and don’t contain any of the taboo ingredients that I’ve been trying to avoid, like the high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated everything. The breakfast cereals are no more expensive than the name brands in the regular grocery store. I am going to try to shop there for as much stuff as I can. I am still planning on plantings, but the weather here has been so wonky lately, and my time limited, that I haven’t started yet.

I have replaced white sugar with the raw turbinado sugar as well and I’ve traded in McDonald’s lunch for a bowl of oatmeal most days. Sometimes I bring leftovers or a sandwich from home, and other times I breakdown and walk across the lot for McDonald’s.

The weather is starting to get better, fingers crossed that it stays, I will be trying to take a break during work to walk, even if it’s just around the outside of the building a couple times after lunch, it’s better than nothing. Maybe I can try getting in the planking habit at a different time of day.



I would really like to do this

I read this article the other day and it’s been on my mind ever since. I do try not to use paper towels very much, but I always have them on hand.

When I went to the store earlier today, I was thinking about it so I bought a few kitchen cleaning cloths. 

I think I’m going to start making a list like the article suggests and try to start gathering replacement cloth supplies.

Happy New Year!!


The Anti-Resolution

Ok, I survived the holidays. My Mom moved to FL the day after christmas, which made it sadder than usual. At least I got to spend cristmas eve and day with her before she left. Being that she has a 15 minute short term memory, it was a little easier to say goodbye. I was saying goodbye for her move and she thought I was just saying goodbye because I was going to work. Hard on me, easier on her.

I have been talking a lot lately about getting healthier and doing things in a more organic way. I am still using my home made deodorant, which has been going well, although I have been having a little irritation due to a pH imbalance issue, I investigated the issue and found that it is quite common and the solution ties in with another thing that I’ve been meaning to buy, apple cider vinegar. 1 tsp to 1 cup water applied before deodorant.

As I mentioned previousley in Step 2, I was going to start drinking a daily apple cider tonic. I have not gotten the organic apple cider vinegar as of yet, but I did try a prepared grape infused one from a health food store and it was pretty good. Next trip to the grocery store I will get my vinegar.

I also have been trying to figure out how to fit a little excercise into my daily routine. I’m thinking that maybe I can do some stretches, a few situps and a push up or two when I get home from work. I was initially thinking morning, but with getting my daughter up and ready while I am as well, I know I won’t follow through. I am going to try setting a reminder in my phone to remind me when I get home.

I have also been investigating different window garden ideas. As most of you know from my past posts, I live in a small condo with no yard, so I can’t really plant outside. Also, being in the Northeast, there is no winter growing, so I want to use my dining room window (which I never open) as the framework for a mini indoor greenhouse. I have seen many different designs and I’m kind of liking the hanging repurposed bottle idea.


I probably wouldn’t do the electric pump and reservoir, I’d water it by hand. I’m a little concerned about the use of plastic and chemicals leeching into my food, but I will look into it more before I do anything.

I’d like to plan some herbs, greens and maybe a couple of veggies or fruits. The other idea I like is using old windows and making my own window greenhouse like the ones that you can buy, but they protrude outside of the house, so I would have to make it so that it came inward instead.


I think since I never use that window anyway, I could use the top and bottom of the window giving me more shelves than the commercially made ones like below.


So I guess to sum it all up, I’m not really making a resolution to change something about me that I don’t like, I’m resolving to continue on my previous path of getting myself and my family healthier and more self-sufficient. I don’t trust the food that I buy in the stores anymore for the most part, so if I grow some of it myself, I can assure that we are not eating pesticides and GMO’s. I hope to someday have some land so that I can grow most of my own food on.

Oh and I also plan on learning to can my own stuff, that way I can cook fresh veggies, and make stews and soups, can them and have healthy stuff in the pantry instead of commercially canned goods with all the chemicals and preservatives in them.

Happy New Year!


Table for 1 at a Good Old Fashioned Pity Party

So the holidays are here and I find myself more and more disenchanted with almost everything. Can I curl up in bed until February?

I am feeling like crap, physically and mentally. I was hit with a nasty head cold last week that has settled into every cell in my body and I am, as usual, broke and working to keep the lights on. It feels like everything is falling apart, even my clothes and shoes are giving up. Yesterday I was nauseas most of the day. By the time I got home I was in tears. I have been on the verge of tears for a few days now.

This vicious cycle needs to stop. I never wanted this type of life. I want to work to live not live to work. I was unemployed for almost 2 years and was just as broke as I am now, the difference being, I was physically active, my house was clean and I had quality time to spend with my daughter. I was happy.

Now I work full-time, I rush around after work to get my daughter from after school care and take her to her extra curricular activities and get home to eat, do homework and go to bed. 90% of days, we go to bed late and have a hard time waking up in the morning. There are not enough hours in the day. I don’t even have time to cook dinner, thank goodness my fiancée cooks for us most days.

I have concluded that I am not designed to function in this manner. I have suffered from depression for most of my life and have noticed that when I did not have to work outside of the house, I did NOT need medication, I was NOT paranoid, I did NOT have the aches and pains, I had a clearer head and more energy.

I read a quote last week that really made me think. “antidepressants do not cure sadness” Could this be why I’ve never felt that much benefit from my medications? Maybe I am just sad. I do not like a lot of things in my life and am currently powerless to change them. that is enough to make you sad, right?

I’ve always said that if I won the lottery I would buy land and drop out of this capitalists, consumerist society. Kind of ironic that it takes money to leave money behind. When asked what I want for christmas I answered ‘enough’. I don’t want much, I never have. I just want to have time to do the important things in life and keep my family comfortable and happy.

I can only tell myself to ‘suck it up’ for so long.