Being Grateful vs Delusional

Everyone always says to be grateful for what I have when I say I am envious of others.

Who doesn’t want better for themselves?

Am I being unrealistic in wanting a better life?

I am always reminded of the saying, ‘I felt bad that I had no shoes until I saw a man with no feet’ I’d rather not need shoes.

I am grateful for what I have, I just feel that had certain decisions not been made for me and had I made better decisions in my past, I could have had so much more than I do.

I’m not talking about material things as much as I am a more relaxed and comfortable life.

I wanted to be a housewife, take care of the house and kids and have time to do things I enjoyed, making things, gardening, cooking, etc. I wanted to make a ‘home’, not just a thrown together house because I worked full time and didn’t have time to properly decorate and fix up said house. Oh and I wanted it to be way closer to nature than the ‘burbs’.

My house has come a long way in the last year or two. I was unemployed and with my other halfs help was able to do some things, money being tight, I couldn’t do all that I wanted, but it does look better and feel more like a home.

Thanks to everyone who has helped us with any of the house ‘stuff’ over the last couple years.

Now I’m back to full time work again, out of necessity, and have no time for my jewelry making or my house.

Thank goodness we are taking our yearly pilgrimage north. We will be in a cabin on a lake in Maine for a week and camping in my aunt’s backyard for a night or two in Connecticut.

Ahh, going home to the woods again. I will have a brief reprieve from all the negativity that creeps up on me after being away from nature to long. A cleansing of sorts.

In the US the big theme is freedom. Are we really free?

I think freedom is an illusion when living in a modern society. You cannot just live your life anyway you want unless you start planning it when you are too young to know what it is that you truly want.

You can’t just drop out of society and live wherever you want without becoming a homeless drifter.

Back in history, we woke with the sun, worked on providing for our family, growing food and making the things we needed. Retreating to our homes when the sun went down to eat and rest.

Everyone in the area knew everyone else and you didn’t worry that your children would be taken, everyone was watching them.

I think living this way is better for the soul.

I want out. I want to live off the land. I want to build and make whatever I need for survival. I want to teach my daughter that she has to work for what she wants, but not just work for the money to buy it from someone else.

Teaching her to be self sufficient without buying into the capitalist, consumerism that seems to have taken over much of the world we live in.

Rant over for now


Government spying and gun laws

Ok so here’s my opinion on the two issues. Not that my opinion matters much. I’m just frustrated by all the whining that I’m hearing.

1. Gun control. If you have no criminal background and nothing to hide you can have a gun. Who in the world needs a gun on the same day if they aren’t up to something shady. Have some patience and go through the process.
If you are a criminal, you are going to get one anyway from some other criminal on the street.

2. If you aren’t posting terrorist threats and explosive device instructions on the internet the government isn’t sitting there tapping your phone and going through your timelines and emails.
They have better things to do than sit and hear your fart jokes.

The moral of the story is;
If you’ve got nothing to hide, shut the fuck up and let the government do their jobs and find the terrorist bastards that are in hiding, plotting to kill people, possibly even you.

We have more rights and luxuries in this country than most others and we are a spoiled whiny lot. STFU already. Some countries don’t even have drinkable water FFS!

Rant over, you can all go back to bitching about how your rights are being violated..


So tired

Well, the job is going good. Like the people and the job itself.

Ended up working the boss’ daughter’s engagement party Saturday night. Boy was it hot out. I must have walked 10 miles around in the house and outside on the decks making sure everyone was doing their jobs. My feet were killing me by the end of the night

We were all exhausted on Sunday so I declared it a family nap day. My daughter had gymnastics, a birthday party, went swimming and had a sleepover Saturday night and my fiance had a gig, I barely beat him home.

I also found out (while working the party) that a friend of mine had a heart attack and passed away on the beach earlier that day. Very sad. Too young, healthy as far as anyone knew and just a super nice guy. 😦

Still freelance editing and I just designed the cover art for the next short story that’s coming out on June 15th!


Started editing the rewrites of her first 2 books in preparation for the release of the 3rd. 7 chapters of book one down, waiting for more.

Still neglecting my jewelry making. Just haven’t had time. Packed myself a travel kit to take to work so I can wrap some stones at lunch time, but I’ve been working or editing while I eat my lunch.

I’ll find time somewhere. Maybe I can bring some stuff on vacation with me to make.

We shall see.

That’s about it for now, gonna get some still lacking sleep.

-_- g’nite