Monthly Archives: June 2012

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If you can’t relate to this poem, you’ve never been in love. Simply beautiful words ❤

Darkness Hidden In the Light

In my heart there are echoes,
Echoes of the laughing you had me do,
Echoes of the crying I’ve done before,
Wanting you to keep me safe,
While being here through the hard times,
For you will always mean the world to me,
Even though you may never know,
The echoes in my heart.

Even though you will never know,
What these echoes are singing out,
I will always treasures the times I’ve cried for you,
Your smiles will always keep my heart warm for you,
You and the echoes will always have a place in my heart,
For these are the echoes from your love that swirls around,
My heart.

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Optimism vs Pessimism

Ok, here we go.

Are all depressives pessimists?

Isn’t it better to expect the worst and be pleasantly suprised when it doesn’t happen than to expect the best and crash when you get shit?

I guess when people let you down often in life, you tend to expect the worst from all people, even if they’ve never personally let you down before.

It’s not just other people that let you down, it can even be yourself…I failed that test, didn’t get the job, handled that situation wrong, couldn’t get out of bed, etc.

I do that all the time as well. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say.

I look around at the crumbling economy, the peril of the environment and how we got here. Didn’t we get here because people were optimistic that they were doing the right thing, electing the right official, passing the right laws, etc.

Maybe if there was a little more pessimism involved and a little less greed, the world wouldn’t be in such a shit today.

There’s another thing, greed and power. People are power hungry and materialistic. They don’t feel successful unless they have $$, cars, houses, the whole lot. Why not be successful because you are a good person, parent, teacher, or counselor. Make enough to support yourself and family and reap the rewards of a good reputation instead of being a snake in the grass looking for your next victim.

I’m a good person. I know this. I care about people, (even ones I don’t trust), animals, the planet and so on. Where is my comfort? I feel shitty even saying that. I could be living in the desert in a mud hut with no food or water. Yea, I have a home and a car, but neither are adequate for my current environment. Car is an environmental nightmare that leaks oil and barely runs and home is too small with no hope of selling for something bigger or refinancing (thanks greedy bankers for the shit mortgage that put me in over my head when I signed the note) and the shitty credit I have from using credit cards for support when I lost my job. I did finally pay off the credit cards, with help of course, still can’t pay my way out of a paper bag.

When I get back from camping, I am going to set my mind to downsizing my material posessions and maybe in cleansing the material I will cleanse the spiritual as well.

Oh, have I mentioned I need a vacation? Thankfully I’m leaving next week. Fresh air and the smell of earth await. Aah..

Hopefully 2 weeks of getting my mind off the negative.

Sorry for being all over the place with this post. I do tend to have a hard time staying on track. One Thing reminds me of another and so on, I guess there’s still a lot in here that needs to come out..

Laterz
THV
:-/

PS – my dream home would be one I built from recycled materials on a plot of land that I could grow my own food on. I don’t want to need a car either. I don’t think that’s too greedy, do you?

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Thoughts on miscarriage via my BFF 😦

dawnieclaws

When I found out I was pregnant at 44 years old I freaked out…  ” How could this be?” I thought , as if I did not know where babies came from! I’m too old, I can’t do this I thought.  Well, once I went and had an ultrasound at a women’s center, and saw the heartbeat all my doubts left. Then the fear set in.  Am I going to do everything right?  Will I eat all the right foods? Will I have a healthy baby? Will  I be ok?  Will I make it through this for both children and my husband?

More than that, I felt this pregnancy was different. WAY different. Looking back just as I instinctively knew I was pregnant, I also must have known something was not right.  I ate all the right foods, started walking, making sure I was healthy enough to grow life.

My…

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Check out these must reads on depression.

beyond depression

I’ve been noticing that I’ve been coming across some really interesting and really useful posts and bits of news for those of us in the trenches on the Mental Health front.  I’ve also been noticing that I’ve been getting more clicks on the ‘Depression Resources’ side bar and the paucity of actual resources I’ve listed there.

So, I’ve decided to (among other things) add some of the best of the best that I’ve come across on the Internet for understanding Depression, Mental Illness and other Mental Health issues.  All of them come from other bloggers who have, in my opinion, shown exceptional insight on the particular topic.

These posts all offer gateways into their particular blogs, all of which are well worth checking out further.  The first of these links are below as well as a link to the new page.

Mental Health First Aid Course (from Beauty From Pain…

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Vacation on the Horizon

Hey there, I wanted to be sure and get a post out before I leave for vacation on the 28th. As most of you know, I worry a lot before and at the beginning of the vacation. Some things I worry about;

My son (when he stays home, which he is this time), my animals, my house, and of course the traveling itself.

I guess I just get paranoid that something will happen that I will have no control over while I am gone. I suppose it is part of the depression that causes this irrational paranoia leading up to a trip. When I say irrational I mean it. 

I don’t even want to verbalize here any of the horrible thoughts that can pop into my head at any moment for fear that they will be given life through my words. Pretty paranoid eh? It is almost crippling.

Somehow I do manage to make it out of the house and onto the vacation, but I don’t truly shake the paranoia until I am well settled into my new surroundings.

I just hope that my trip which is a 4 hour drive to a familiar area with family to visit and places to go for entertainment goes smoothly and I actually escape my paranoia long enough to enjoy my 2 weeks in the woods that I love so much.

I have waterproofed the new tent seams and investigated natural bug repellents. Having lyme disease myself, a daughter who is allergic to squito bites and going to a place that is a popular place to catch lyme, I want to protect my daughter, my fiancée and of course myself from any bugs and the diseases that they may carry.

We have most of the camping gear organized and have started our lists of things to pack and buy for the 2 weeks that we will be gone.

I will have internet, but I am hoping that I do not have time to sit at the computer or on my phone much and that I will be out enjoying all that I can with family and friends. 

I guess that’s it for now

THV